Wishing you were somehow here again for Hana
by Tina senpai
Summary: A forbidden love. Two starcrossed lovers, torn asunder to soon. HxH. Contains...sadness and spoilers for Hellsing manga 10.


84. Wishing you were somehow here again-Hellsing (Heinkel and Hans)

Jorinde: Ok ok, Before I get ham thrown at me, I would just like to say this is for Hana because I promise it to her! She let me use her picture for my fanfic so I'm doing this for her ^^ DON'T THROW HAM AT THE NUN!

They'd been meeting like this for years, not telling either organisation they belonged to what they were up to or where they were, always being careful. The Millenium group and Iscariot organisation didn't know that Hans' had met Heinkel when she was younger or that Heinkel had fallen in love with him and pursued him whilst in training, but that isn't the story. This is the story of their final moments together, before everything fell apart.

As usual Heinkel made her way up to the small cottage she had rented near her hometown in Bavaria. No other buildings where in sight and the town was practically deserted except for one or two persistant old people who refused to leave until they quietly passed away. As she opened the door, the sight which pleased her most awaited her. Like an obedient and expected dog, Hans was waiting in the hallway and as soon as she was in sight, no sooner had she closed the door than he was all over her. It had been months since they had seen each other and a few weeks since they last talked and it as evident in the way Hans' was kissing her that he'd missed her. He planted lips all over her face and picked up her form in his arms like she weighed nothing. She could only giggle as no words where needed where they where heading. They never had been. They had gotten used to small phrases of no words between their body language and silent thoughts to each other. Hans carried her bride style to the bedroom, remembering the exact steps he took time and time again with her, not needing to stop kissing her as much as he could. He gently kicked the door ajar and stepped in, confidently stepping over the small foot stall in the way; he'd learnt that the first time he tried to take her in to the bedroom and ended up with a small bruise on his butt from stopping her fall. As he neared the bed he smiled at her as she gripped onto him, reassuring her that he wouldn't do whatever she was thinking.

She smiled back and loosened her grip, only to see his sweet smile turn slightly devilish as he threw her playfully on the bed. She let out a yelp and giggled as she landed on the pre-made bed, looking at him as he growled huskily in the back of his throat and lept on her like a dog in heat; truth be told, whenever he was with her, he was. And so began there two straight days of blissful love. Two days of hot bodies writhing uncontrollably and clothes spewn on floor. Two days of wild, passionate and unadultered kissing. Two days of curious discoveries and expeditions of each others bodies. Then, when they knew the end was coming, they collapsed into one big pile of raw flesh, both slipping straight into dreams unto the blissful time would end again, this time, their last.

Heinkel awoke to find Hans already dressed and she knew she had to act quickly. It always pained her these moments, but she wouldn't let him leave without one more selfish indulgence. She leapt out of the bed and beat Hans to the door, throwing her arms around him and kissing him passionately. She put all she could into the kiss, conveying the message of all she wanted to say. She had inadvertantly pulled his hat off and was clinging onto it, willing herself to kiss him a little longer and not breath. When they did come apart they where gasping for air and hans' had

"I have to go." He pulled back and turned away, walking confidently to the door. As he left he paused for a second and have turned to peak at her from the corner of his eye. He saw her standing there and watching him, not crying, but gripping his hat inbetween her fingers.

'I can get another one.' Was all he thought, glad his medicine hadn't kicked in yet and he wouldn't turn into a mindless soldier of Doc's. He wanted to tell her all the things a lover should

"Hans." Heinkel gripped onto the cap inbetween her fingers and prayed that god would never be so cruel to her again. She hadn't the chance to tell him the good news.

.....................................

Whilst the battle was coming to an end, Heinkel had wandered away. She had just lost her best friends and avenged them by mortally wounding that damned butler, but first she had one more thing to do. She wandered among the rubble of the old building where she had heard from her brothers that another fight raged between the hellsing police girl and the millenium 'scum' who had shot out her cheek. She saw the destruction and her eyes where everywhere for a few minutes, beore she spotted him. She froze. Her entire body went still. Even her breathing stopped. All she could see was Hans' bloodied figure lying on the floor, facing the ceiling.

"No, please God no." She whispered and ran to his side quicker than even Yumie would manage. She threw her body down and wrapped her arms around Hans, shaking him against her. At first, when she saw his eyes open, she thought he was alive but stunned but then she saw how dim they were. Dimmer than when he was on his medicine and she couldn't believe she was too late.

"Please god no, please. Hans, wake up. Hans I love you! HANS!" She cried and wept into his chest, planting warm kisses along his cold cheeks and smearing his face with her tears. Blood clung to her skin as she pulled back. His blood. She freed one hand and wiped it off her cheek and again she screamed at how cold it was.

"HANS NO!" She cried and clung to him, praying for something to happen, but nothing did. All she could hear was her own screams echoing among the rubble, all she could see was a blurry vision of the man she loved and all she could smell was the familiar scent of his skin mixed with the unfamiliar blood that was plastered all over him.

"HANS!" She screamed, even more painfully than when Yumie had died infront of her, even more so when Hans' had shot her in the cheek. She lost track of how long she was screaming or clutching onto him, it was only when her voice gave out and her body had emptied her of water, that she just breathed and clung to him, using the silence around her as solitude; a shell to encase herself and her beloved in. She drew back slightly and looked at his figure, feeling everyinch of him she could touch, remembering how he had responded to it whenever he was...she couldn't say it. She couldn't bring herself to say alive, because that would mean he wasn't. She stopped weeping and sniffed, thinking of how weak and pathetic she would have looked to him; something he would have never wanted.

She looked at him as her tears dried out and stroked his cheek, noticing for the first time he was smiling. She smiled to, for that was the smile he saved for her.

"Help me say goodbye." She whispered horsely and took a few moments to regain her composure.

She planted one last kiss among Hans' face, not caring if anyone saw. She stood up straight and clutched her stomach, vowing to live for her and Hans' son.

She turned away and began walking out, not wanting for him to see her cry, even in death. All that could be heard as she exited was, "Goodbye," and then, with no one around, a distance and anguished howl could be heard.

You were once my one companion,  
you were all that mattered,  
You were once a friend and Lover,  
then my world was shattered.

Wishing you were somehow here again,  
wishing you were somehow near,  
Sometimes it seemed if I just dreamed,  
somehow you would be here.

Wishing I could hear your voice again,  
knowing that I never would,  
Dreaming of you won't help me to do,  
all that you dreamed I could.

Passing bells and sculpted angels,  
cold and monumental seem for you the wrong companions  
you were warm and gentle . . .

Too many years fighting back tears,  
Why can't the past just die . . .?

Wishing you were somehow here again,  
knowing we must say goodbye,  
Try to forgive teach me to live,  
give me the strength to try.

No more memories,  
no more silent tears,  
No more gazing across,  
the wasted years,  
Help me say  
goodbye.

Help me say goodbye.

Jorinde: .....Ok I'm a little weepy I admit TT_TT Short and sweet, because I know more will probably get me shot. For dear Priesty Hana x And yeah I changed Father to Lover, so shoot me ¬_¬


End file.
